I have come to realize over the last week that I have some pretty wonderful people in my life. They may not be there every single day, but when they are there they are wonderful! I had the joy of having a boisterous lunch with an old friend last week. My children joined us for lunch and were a bit on the hyper side, but it was a nice lunch just the same. They next day, a person whom I still consider a friend despite some disagreements lately joined me for lunch where we talked about our disagreement and I am feeling hopeful that we can resume a friendship albeit not like it was. And then the weekend was sprinkled heavily with friends new and old asking to spend time with me. It was a week that reminded me that even though sometimes I get down, that there are still people who want and need me.
It was pointed out to me by a couple people last week that I am a unique person. I myself don't see me that way, but it's nice to hear that people have chosen to be my friend because I am trusted and understanding and "different from everyone else". I just mostly want everyone to get along and agree to disagree when needed. I don't see a point in judging people because you don't know what they have or are going through. I have my views on things, but I think its would be conceded of me to think that my views are the only truth. I am open to the idea that I might be wrong about religion, life, health etc, but it doesn't keep me from having my views on them. I love willingly and passionately but will not say "I love you" unless I mean it and I know that the feeling will be returned because those three words can lift you up or break your heart and so I am very careful when using them. I believe that EVERY SINGLE person deserves to be treated with respect and to not be criticized for what they choose to believe. I smile at everyone. A simple smile can change a persons whole day. I am never intentionally mean to anyone (although I will admit there are times I have wanted to be) but I don't like to be treated mean and so I don't do it! I try to be the bigger person and forgive easily (although I never forget) I like to believe that everyone can do and be good, but not everyone knows how and so I like to try and show through my life and actions that when you do good, good things happen. There are the occasional bumps in the road that make me have to work harder to get back to good, but those are there to remind me how good the good times and things are.
I had a friend tell me once from the depths of his depression that "things aren't always sunshine and rainbows" No they aren't I agree. But without the storms you wouldn't have the sunshine and rainbows. At the time he told me that, it kind of got me down some. I didn't want to annoy my friend, but I didn't want him to be down anymore either. But his comment for some reason kinda knocked me back some. Probably didn't help that a day or two before he asked why I never cry in front of him. I try not to cry in front of anyone unless you are very close to me. It's really a silly reason why. Its not that I like to show I am strong and not cry, simple put, I know I look very comical when I cry. My face twists itself up and turns bright red. I am sensitive and I don't cry in front of people because I don't want to be made fun of. So his 2 comments really made me think that maybe I come off as "fake" to some people. Its been about a year since those comments but I still remember them very well. I often wonder if it wasn't the start of my latest depression. But I have since reevaluated those statements and realize that smiles and sunshine and rainbows are just me. I like to see the positive in things. I am a wonderful person and so are you! If everyone would realize how wonderful they truly are and quit judging everyone then the world would be a better place. There is no reason to belittle others to feel better about themselves. TV and movies and magazines make me so made by telling people they need to be thinner and blond or brunette or a certain height. We are all just the way we are suppose to be!
The same friend that made those comments to me recently had a conversation with me about relationships. His girlfriend is not a nice person. She judges everyone and is insecure with herself and it bothers me. I have tried to befriend her as well, but she snubs me. During our conversation it was brought up that she is threatened by me. She shouldn't be and if she would take the time to get to know me she would know that. I told him that was sad but that she needs to love herself before she can love anyone else. He said that I am insecure too. I responded with "nope I'm fabulous. I love me!" Took me a while to love myself, but I do. I am a wonderful and good person. However, I don't flaunt that, I am not cocky about it, I am just happy with me. That's all I can be. I worked hard to be happy with my faults and strengths. I don't like things to go unsettled. If there is something wrong I want to fix it so it doesn't happen again. I want everyone to be friends and I want everyone to get along. These are faults as well as strength I know. And while I may be happy with myself and who I am, there are occasions where my situation at the time gets me down. It doesn't mean I am getting down on myself, just what is going on. I love myself and I want everyone to. We are all wonderful and unique people. I love that I have so many people in my life that love me for me as well.
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